Nausea.

It's currently 3:20 pm and I'm JUST now starting to feel better.
I was sick all morning.
I threw up 7-8 times between 7 am and 11 am.
It's the start of a terrible time..

I just know it.

My Words of Encouragment for the Day.

"Experience is not what happens to you; it is what you do with what happens to you."~ Aldous Huxley

"When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us."~ Alexander Graham Bell

"If you have made mistakes, there is always another chance for you. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call 'failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down. "~ Mary Pickford

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly."~ Richard Bach

"Forget about all the reasons why something may not work. You only need to find one good reason why it will."~ Dr. Robert Anthony

"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."~ Groucho Marx

"Guard well your spare moments. They are like uncut diamonds. Discard them and their value will never be known. Improve them and they will become the brightest gems in a useful life. "~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense. This day is all that is good and fair. It is too dear, with its hopes and invitations, to waste a moment on yesterdays."~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us."~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

"When the world says, "Give up,"Hope whispers, 'Try it one more time.' "~ Unknown

"Everything is okay" - Gayla

the beast.

My new favorite show & my current tv crush.

The Beast & Travis Fimmel.

He is absolutely the hottest thing on television right now. (to me.)

Hope, Progress, Change.

What a day for our nation. Everyone holds their breath today as the "baton" is handed to Barack Obama. We hold our breath in hope that he can accomplish what he has promised. We long for progress and a change from the past 8 years. Either way it goes, I'm glad I'm not the one in his shoes this morning. I can only imagine the butterflies in his stomach. That overtaking, nauseating feeling that won't go away. A whole nation watching you, judging you, and leaning on you for that change. He has one of the most difficult jobs in the world after today. He has to lead the nation in an effort to get us out of this economic crisis. So not only today do we need to listen and critique his words, we need to whisper a prayer. He is now the working hands of our country and for that to fall on anyone's shoulder deserves a million prayers.

Pocket Full of Sunshine.

Ham, his cousin Jarvis, Jarvis's girlfriend, and I all went to see My Bloody Valentine 3D last night. The movie itself was extremely bloody and nasty (not my kind of movie AT ALL) and there should have been SO much more 3D in the movie. But the parts that were 3D ... wow...I did duck on a few parts. There is a part where the scary miner, serial killer throws his ice pick at this girl who is running from him and it literally flies out of the screen and you feel it looks like it's going to hit you in the face. Everybody ducked! Then another part where this girl tries to shoot the scary miner dude and the bullet literally comes out of the screen in "slo-mo" and it comes to the edge of your face curves around the audience and goes back into the screeen. Another funny part was this old man is hearing noises so he gets his shotgun and goes out on the porch and slowly aims it from one side of the screen to the other...it looks like the barrel is right in your face..and then he laughs. The whole audience was cracking up. I haven't been to the movies in a VERY long time but I really enjoyed it last night.

Ham, Hancock, and I also went up Pinnacle on Saturday. My legs hurt so bad today I can hardly walk around the office. Hancock did so good! He tried his best to go up the mountain as fast as he could and when one of us got too far ahead of him he would whine and bark because he did not want to be last. We've decided to take him out to do more stuff like that more often.

My weekend was relatively good and actually more eventful than most. In fact, this is the first time at work that I've ever been really tired. Too bad this all white office doesn't let out for MLK day.

"I've got a pocketful of sunshine."

So I am thinking of dying my hair from blonde to dark brown?

Should I .. or no?

Sunday.

My Sunday consisted of:

bubble baths.
red toenail polish.
dancing with Hancock to Calvin Harris.
British Vogue. (Where the Wild Things Are)
2 Pinnacle Vodka Shots with Ham.
doublecheeseburgers from McDonald's.
little black dress.

Ham playing hours upon hours with Hancock.

Ham's flat tire in England.

The Devil Wears Prada.

trash & more trash.

a 30 second phone call from my mom.

no more marlboro 27's...marlboro lights.

finally having a satisfying day.

The Best Fries Ever!

You are going to soon find out that my relationship with my boyfriend, Ham, is a daily thing. One day we're perfect and then next day I want to move out. We've been doing really good these past few days.. well since the last time I wrote.

It was freezing yesterday and rained all day causing the power lines to freeze so right after I got home the power went off for about an hour and a half. Ham and I layed on the couch and took an hour nap and the lights woke us up. We were starving but we didn't want the regular McDonald's, Burger King, Taco Bell, Sonic, etc.. etc... We wanted something different. So what did bright ole me think of? WingStop :) The have the absolute best fries in the whole world! Sugar, salt, and other unknown spices...with their homemade ranch. Mmm, so good for you!

A Better Year.

Wow, it's been a while since I've wrote. Sometimes I'll come to my page and start thinking about what I'm going to write about and my mind just sits. That's what it has been doing for quite a while. Then finally, today, I felt like writing.

My Christmas was pretty good. All my mom's family was at my house so I spent a lot of time with them (too much time). I ended up coming home early. For the first time, I was homesick for my house in Little Rock. I missed Ham and our dog. I missed just being at the house doing absolutely nothing while Hancock runs around the house like a hoodlum.

My New Year's could've been SO much better. Ham and I went to Harrison's house and I got to see Dani which was so wonderful. I miss her and she's the only friend I have that I can go weeks without talking to and then we can finally see each other and it's like we've been talking all along. It was really good to see her. Ham wanted to go home early so we did, of course. At 12 we said Happy New Year to each other and then he left and went out. I woke up at 6 the next morning to find him still gone. I woke up again at 8 to find him still gone. He didn't get home til 10. He said he had gone to a club in Morrilton and was too drunk to drive home so he stayed at his friend's house. I was so upset. I just don't understand why he wants to spend so much time with his friends. Why doesn't he want to hang out with me on the holidays? I think it's about that time for me to let go of him.

I'm going to start to try and find one bedroom apartments.
It's going to be the hardest thing I've had to do in a while. Leave him, that is. No one understands how hard it will be for me.

I'm hoping in 2009 I can gain some strength I've lost a long the way throughout the years. I'm hoping I can gain better judgement of character. I hope I can gain the confidence I've been missing.

I am okay.
I will be okay on my own.
I hope I will be okay on my own.