Monday, December 28, 2009

again.

I had stopped writing for a long time.. well probably 3 months. I figured no one was even looking at this blog, but an acquaintance wrote me randomly over the holiday weekend and told me they had read ALL my posts and loved my blog. So it gave me more motivation to start writing again. It's been 3 months since I have last wrote and SO much has happened. Kenlyee Brown has gotten so big.. she has this huge bountiful head of hair that I do NOT know what to do with! She is sleeping almost all the way through the night.. which if you're a mother then you know that feeling is wonderful! She is the light of my life and I wouldn't take her back for the world. I'm not going to lie (this is the BEAUTIFUL truth) but there were times right after she was born that I was going through some depression and I woudl cry and cry and cry and have doubts in my decision about keeping her. My body has just been through so much stress and I was extremely tired and I've spoken with a lot of people and they say those feelings are completely normal. Your whole life changes the instant that child comes into the world. There are no more staying up late at nights and no more going out to party on the weekends... that used to bother me but everytime I look into her face and she gives me that beautiful smile I just think about how blessed I am. Those parties and late nights drinking could not compare to motherhood. She is the apple of my eye and I look forward to every day so I can watch her grow.

In other news, my boyfriend got into some legal trouble in April of this year. He has been going to his court dates but putting off getting a lawyer and was just using a public defender. This has allll came back around to bite us in the rear end. He went to court on the 14th of this month in front of a judge and was found guilty on all charges... his sentencing date is Jan. 25th and the charges carry a minimum of 10 years, in which he will have to serve at least 2. Right now, neither of us try to talk or think about it but there are times when the thoughts are unbearable and all I can do is think about the crying I'll be doing in the New Year. Last night I woke up in the middle of hte night thinking about it and instantly rolled over and grabbed him and just wrapped my arms around him because I know these are the last moments I'll be able to do any of that. The thing that hurts him and I the most is the fact that Kenlyee will be 2 1/2 by the time he gets out... I've always said in hard times that "things happen for a reason" and "this too shall pass" but I can't think of ANY reason of why this would be happening and sometimes I want to turn my back on God but then I think I'm going to need him around to get me through these next couple of years. Please, if you are reading this, pray to whomever you pray to and send some strength my way.. I need it.

To those of you who read this I hope you had the most righteous and wonderful Christmas and hope you bring in the New Year's with those who mean the most to you.

Be not the slave of your own past. Plunge into the sublime seas, dive deep and swim far, so you shall come back with self-respect, with new power, with an advanced experience that shall explain and overlook the old.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

1 comment:

Lauren Sullivant said...

I love it! Such a beautiful and hopeful post! And the prayers are definitely being sent your way!