Friday, January 2, 2009

A Better Year.

Wow, it's been a while since I've wrote. Sometimes I'll come to my page and start thinking about what I'm going to write about and my mind just sits. That's what it has been doing for quite a while. Then finally, today, I felt like writing.

My Christmas was pretty good. All my mom's family was at my house so I spent a lot of time with them (too much time). I ended up coming home early. For the first time, I was homesick for my house in Little Rock. I missed Ham and our dog. I missed just being at the house doing absolutely nothing while Hancock runs around the house like a hoodlum.

My New Year's could've been SO much better. Ham and I went to Harrison's house and I got to see Dani which was so wonderful. I miss her and she's the only friend I have that I can go weeks without talking to and then we can finally see each other and it's like we've been talking all along. It was really good to see her. Ham wanted to go home early so we did, of course. At 12 we said Happy New Year to each other and then he left and went out. I woke up at 6 the next morning to find him still gone. I woke up again at 8 to find him still gone. He didn't get home til 10. He said he had gone to a club in Morrilton and was too drunk to drive home so he stayed at his friend's house. I was so upset. I just don't understand why he wants to spend so much time with his friends. Why doesn't he want to hang out with me on the holidays? I think it's about that time for me to let go of him.

I'm going to start to try and find one bedroom apartments.
It's going to be the hardest thing I've had to do in a while. Leave him, that is. No one understands how hard it will be for me.

I'm hoping in 2009 I can gain some strength I've lost a long the way throughout the years. I'm hoping I can gain better judgement of character. I hope I can gain the confidence I've been missing.

I am okay.
I will be okay on my own.
I hope I will be okay on my own.

1 comment:

Johnny said...

Life is painful at times. Love doesnt make sense in this world. Infact, is there true love? The one you love doesnt love you but the heart is on the hunt for the only language it knows... love.
Its true. But who cares.
Can there be some one to love and be loved.
Can new year change the scene?
God bless.