Wednesday, December 10, 2008

The Boys.

So last night I got off work and my boyfriend has a few of his friends over (whom I all adore) and they all decided they were hungry for some Krispy Kreme. I was also hungry to and being the giving person I am, I offered to drive allllll the way across town to get some donuts. While I was getting the donuts I got a call from my boyfriend (Ham). All I could faintly hear was a bunch of laughing and him say go by McDonald's and pick him up some McNuggets. I kept saying, "What?? Hello??!" but there was too much laughter so I just hung up. Going to McDonald's worked out good anyways because he wanted the EXACT thing that I was planning on getting for myself. So I get all the way back from Krispy Kreme and McDonald's and pull up in the carport. I honked my horn so he could come outside and help me carry some stuff in. I handed him the McDonald's and the drinks from McDonald's so I could gather my wallet, the donuts, cigarettes..etc. As soon as I walked in the house I saw Ham eating his McNuggets and I saw his cousin and his other friend devouurrriinnnggg my McNuggets. There was like a fuse that went off inside of me. It was something so little..mcnuggets..but the fact that I had gone all the way across town and back for them and then they were eating my food..I don't know, it just really pissed me off. I'm the type of person who holds ALL of my feelings in (that's a cancer for ya) so I didn't say anything but you could tell in my actions, my facial expressions, and my tone of voice that something was wrong. So, instead of saying anything to them I just got mad at Ham and drove up the road to McDonald's, fuming mad, and got me something to eat. By the time I got back to the house Ham's cousins was apologizing and he said I must've not heard him say that he wanted some too. I then felt like an idiot for getting so mad over something so small.

I think that made me mad because of deeper feelings I hold inside. I have been such a giver to all my loved ones and sometimes I don't feel like I get the credit I deserve or just a simple "thank you". Especially when it comes to my boyfriend. I feel like I do a lot for him and he doesn't realize half the stuff I do for him.

As I am sitting here writing this I realize what a baby I sound like. I shouldn't be whining because I feel like I don't get the credit I deserve from him (I really think it's just attention I want). If I don't like it, then I shouldn't give so much. This here is one of the many lessons I'm learning daily. It's hard to change things like giving, especially if it's what you feel good doing. I've learned I need to take time for myself and that "No." will get me more respect than less friends. I love learning new things about myself.

Oh and also, I have to keep these ugly poinsettias alive at work and it's just not working. They're like $200 a piece and it's my job to keep them alive. Shit.

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