Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Ze Birthday Party.

Last night, I went and exchanged some jeans that don't fit me because I'm gaining weight rapidly :) I also picked up Megan's birthday gift which I hope she loves! Anyways, when I got back home Ham and I were sitting in the living room and I called my mom just to say hi. I was telling her about the birthday gift and about me going to Megan's birthday party if I'm home when she has it and Ham just started glaring at me. He got mad because I'm going to a party. How ridiculous is that? He goes out ALLLL the time and will stay out til 5:30 in the morning but I can't go to my friends birthday party?

It's all starting to wear and tear on me and I'm not sure if I can take much more of the ridiculous fighting that we do. These days, I tend to find myself wondering what it would be like to be back with old boyfriends but I know that's just me not wanting to be "alone" if I break up with him. If we do break up (and I know how ridiculously juvenilistic this sounds) it's going to be one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through. I'm closer to him than I've ever been with any of my past boyfriends and I can't imagine letting all that go right now. Although, deep down inside I know it'd be for the better. We don't belong together. Wow, that was weird to actually say that we don't belong together. Even the signs say we don't belong together..a gemini and a way that'd ever work.

I'm also worried because I was writing my sister a letter and there was a lot about him in there and how we don't work together and I left it on the kitchen table this morning. I'm praying to God he wont' pick it up and read it. He's usually not snoopy like that but I'm still praying. I'm going to rush home on my lunch break and get it. I need to mail it to her anyways.

Anyways, my cousin is coming in town to stay with me Saturday night and then he's going to Mtn. Home to my house where all my family will be gathering for Christmas. I can't go til Tuesday night when I get off work. Stupid job. I just want to be normal and go home for Christmas for like a month. Maybe I should've went to college.

What am I going to do with my life?
I feel cluttered.

No comments: